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Post by Majimaune on Sept 4, 2006 1:55:43 GMT -5
Ok this might sound weird but it's true. I was reading a book called Kin of the Forgotten. Don't bother looking for it it's not published. All of a sudden I came up with a really good poem (or I like it). You might have to know me really well or the person it's to rather well to understand it.
I'll stop crapping on now and give it to you.
Fire of the flames Fire of the sun Fire of the red rose Fire of the heart.
Passion burns like fire. Love is as red as a rose. I wish I was with you. But instead I am alone.
The shadow darkens my heart Of doubt ever creaping That a light will not come to save me.
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Post by Angoreth on Sept 4, 2006 2:03:43 GMT -5
Oh very nice indeed
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Post by fanficfan on Sept 4, 2006 2:33:47 GMT -5
Given that I know you and the person it's to, I believe I have a unique perspective on this piece. It reads very nicely and the only crit I can make is that I'd try to work Passion into the first bit somehow. But that's just how I'd do it and this is your work not mine so ignore at your leisure. I found myself getting "almost images"tm and emotions instead of a clear picture. Something that I quite like and often try to do in writing. Whether you intended that or not, it's a very nice piece, I look forward to seeing more of your poetry.
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Post by Angoreth on Sept 4, 2006 2:41:18 GMT -5
I love duscussing poetry lol^.^
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Post by erinion on Sept 4, 2006 4:28:38 GMT -5
Yeah, I've been trying to convice two of my friends to let me post their poems, but they won't let me. Ah well.
Very nice, Majimaune. I agree with FFF, and sense emotions, rather than images, but I can sort of gauge what you want to show.
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Post by Majimaune on Sept 5, 2006 1:49:32 GMT -5
Why thankyou Mitch seeing as you know both people (to an extent). I will come back from my trip with a hell of a lot of poetry I think.
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Post by Angoreth on Sept 5, 2006 2:01:21 GMT -5
Yeah. I like to see others art work as well but you know we can't do that here. ..What? I like that one Erinion
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Post by erinion on Sept 5, 2006 3:15:30 GMT -5
Like what?...really...I have no idea what you're talking about. My comment, or last poem? Or something else? Anyway, new poem:
Twisting, turning Sliding ride. Funtime, hometime Time slips by
Where you going? What you doing? Who you gonna be When the time comes?
Life taunts Question everything Trust nothing Taunt life.
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Post by Angoreth on Sept 6, 2006 2:00:32 GMT -5
Oops I think I meant Majimaune lol Sorry.
That ones nice also btw
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Post by Majimaune on Sept 28, 2006 3:40:00 GMT -5
I wrote some stuff while I was away and will post it at another time when I have more time.
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Post by Majimaune on Sept 29, 2006 2:09:53 GMT -5
Ok I have time now to put these up.
Footprints, As they go into the distance Into the west, As far as the eye can see, Into the west...
And another...
The ocean, As the tide goes in and out Going by the time of the moon, Ever flowing Like my love for you.
And another (its a bit emo) (sorry if anyone is emo here)
The corner, Where I belong I can't get out Stuck the forever In the dark.
Last one for now.
Fire It burns like love It gives light To breack the shadow.
You You give me light Break the darkness Lead the way
The red rose Is the fire Of love It burns for you.
That is all. The last one is for a person I have meantioned in a preveous post.
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Post by Angoreth on Oct 3, 2006 13:55:37 GMT -5
bf broke off a 2 1/2 year relationship for pretty much no reason. I'm not feeling to good right now.
One day when you'll remember my name, it will seep through your heart like a burning stain. The words exchanged and lies foretold, the unanswered questions while you walk away cold.
You say you told me yet I can't understand, when you agreed with chioces you also demand. Whats truth and whats lie I can't tell any more, my heart broke before it even hit the floor. What made you turn and what made you leave? You told me it wasn't my fualt and that it wasn't me.
Yet you play the victim even though 'you' broke us up, if my life was on course this was enough to disrupt. You better realize it was 'you' who decided to break, did you not truely realize what was at stake? Impulsive behavior will only get you so far, maybe you should think next time before another is scarred.
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Post by erinion on Oct 3, 2006 21:38:44 GMT -5
I can see your hurt...I know someone who went through a similar thing, but not as serious. *Hugs* Come on, you're among friends. Just think to yourself, his loss.
Nice poem. If he read it, he would definitely feel guilty.
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Post by fanficfan on Oct 4, 2006 2:19:27 GMT -5
That sux Angoreth but like erinion said, you're among friends here. The poem's well written and gets you pain across. Was digging trough my old documents and came across this, wrote it for a friend who was in a bit of a crisis, had a tough choice and people on all sides saying "do this" "do that" I said, "do what feels right" Could it be worse?Could it be worse Than crying yourself to sleep, And whatever you do You can’t seem to win When your friends tell you what’s 'best' And they don’t care what you think When what you want Doesn’t seem to matter Is it really that bad When you lie down in bed And cry tears of laughter then fall asleep with a smile When sometimes losing Isn’t what it seems And winning Doesn’t make you happy When what you want, Isn’t always what you need And friends care enough about you To want you to be happy It could always be worse It can often be better But your guiding star will forever shine Inside you.
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Post by Majimaune on Oct 4, 2006 3:54:33 GMT -5
I'm sorry for you Angoreth. It's a good poem though and I agree with Erinion. He would feel guilty.
Nice poem Mitch.
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